It always fascinates me to hear about how I seem to someone else; not in the egotistical way of commanding attention, but rather, like a switch on a circuit that suddenly sparks a very different array of connections than I had before. Like how I might seem detached; or is it unencumbered? Or how I seem reserved; or is it responsive? That sort of “first impression” story has dogged me for as long as I can remember, with different friends having different versions, always to laugh about together years later, but also always a little bit mystifying for me to receive. And now, add to that the parasocial layers of some kind of artistic expression between us, like gels casting various colors on the scene. It adds a whole new dimension of alienation and making-strange the act of our discourse, never ever that simple, but almost always underexamined. Maybe I’ll lean into it. Maybe. We’ll see.
