Category: Poiesis

by jad

How Long, O Lord

These are the last of my photos from Beirut. My time there was both wounding and healing, both frustrating and hopeful. I’ve already moved on to new worries and concerns, as is often the case. Life moves on. But I feel less disconnected than I have been for years. Scenes from Bourj Hammoud on 35mm, featuring “Panos,” the spot my dad would grab a Rum Baba while waiting for mom to get ready to go out when they were dating. Strange alignments between Beirut and Deir el-Qamar that I only noticed once I got my scans back. Here are some … Continue reading “How Long, O Lord” →

by jad

Middle Finger to the City

The concrete structure sandwiched between the first and last slides in this series is the Interdesign building designed by Khalil Khouri in 1973. As ArchDaily puts it, “the building took 23 years to build, a process halted by the onset of the Lebanese Civil War. By the time it was completed in 1996, the urban landscape that surrounded it had changed. The structure has stood largely unused since, as a relic of hopeful modernity. While its design is singular in its narrative and expression, this structure illustrates the tension between aspiration and struggle throughout its complex history.” I first learned … Continue reading “Middle Finger to the City” →

by jad

We Toasted to Victory

This is the moment we visited my father’s grave. It was the first thing we did, the day after I landed in Beirut. Among these images, some frames I remembered him occupying the last time we were all here together, when he could still walk with difficulty, and could point out the ancestral landmarks to me and Christine. I didn’t look back at those photos I’d taken of him back then. I just felt them in the moment. “If I were you, I’d constantly be going around like: do you know my small Lebanese hometown is basically a cult run … Continue reading “We Toasted to Victory” →

by jad

Ghosts in the Frame

A few hours after I shared about wondering if it was time to nag the lab for my scans (it wasn’t), I saw them in my inbox, much earlier than the turnaround had promised. Spooky… Because there’s something inherently ghostly about seeing film come back weeks after having already processed your experience of a place digitally, especially when some frames are similar while others are not. It’s like the sedimentation of memory itself; every re-telling is another exposure on the film of your mind: hazy, layered, and re-imagined. I came to this spot because, to me, it represented my father, … Continue reading “Ghosts in the Frame” →

by jad

Existential Jet Lag

I was checking my calendar to see if it was time to poke the photo lab about my Lebanon rolls when it occurred to me that I hadn’t even been back two weeks yet; why does it feel longer? Why does so much feel like existential jet lag right now? Twice in the last week, I’ve weirded myself out with my emotional responses or non-responses to things that came up. Shying away from conflict when I don’t normally; having a meltdown in a way I don’t recognize as myself; both ends of the spectrum, but both feeling foreign. There’s something … Continue reading “Existential Jet Lag” →

by jad

Back in Seattle

What’s that line making the rounds lately? Photography is just time and light? Lebanon is generous with at least one of those. And now I’m back in Seattle where light is less abundant, but I have more time to think. Home is where you’re welcomed back. That’s the thought that’s occurred to me since returning. No need to complicate things more than that. Simply noticing the “welcome home” to “welcome back” ratio (something like 4:1) and appreciating the flux. I’m home when I’m welcomed back to Lebanon. I’m home when I’m welcomed back to Seattle. I say this in a … Continue reading “Back in Seattle” →

by jad

Time is a Bastard

This is a photo that mom has framed in her living room. I didn’t ask when or where it was taken; it feels familiar. I’ve seen it many times, but now, of course, in new light. Time is a bit of a bastard. Time can be cruel at times, in fact. But there’s wisdom in time. There’s a deep knowing. I’ve had to sit face to face with time quite a bit during this trip and it wasn’t always comfortable. But it was good and necessary. We’re making peace. I don’t think we’ll ever be more than cordial, but that’s … Continue reading “Time is a Bastard” →

by jad

Lebanon: Day 9

I was charmed by this whole area. Google Maps insisted on sending us in random directions, but the locals kept us on the right path, joking with us about the almost-nonexistent signage pointing the way. At one point, Google sent us down a road that turned out to be blocked; “maqtou3a, maqtou3a,” a guy on his scooter told us. Before we knew it, another guy in a pickup truck opened up the gate to his farm and told us to drive through his land to get back down to the main road. All in the typical Druze accent and matter-of-fact … Continue reading “Lebanon: Day 9” →

by jad

Lebanon: Day 8

Today’s my last day here. Yesterday, Christine picked up on an “extra sweetness” in my messages, asking me if feeling nostalgic now that my time in Lebanon is coming to an end. I replied: “I’m being sappy I guess.” She put her finger on the pulse: “It’s more than sappy, I think. I can’t imagine having your heart split in two places. And I think that’s what you’re feeling right now. The beautiful agony of knowing you cannot be in two places at once.” I cried. Today is a day to remember. Thousands of families have forced a new status … Continue reading “Lebanon: Day 8” →

by jad

Lebanon: Day 7

I’m nearing the end of my time here in Lebanon. Pages are turning, chapters are closing, narratives are being bookended, and parentheticals are emerging like ducks in a row. It’s gratifying, for example, to see how far @ridersrightslb, the afterlife of the @busmapproject I started working on 10 years ago, has come. I might say more about that at some point. It’s good to put faces to internet names and make new friends. It’s also nice to go with the flow more often. This country isn’t kind to sticks in the mud. There have been days when I’ve slowed down … Continue reading “Lebanon: Day 7” →