Tag: seattle

by jad

Imprints of Instants

My morning walks to work are a lot less stimulating these days, now that I don’t crest the whole of Capitol Hill to get there; it’s a shorter jaunt, but much more sedate, given the neighborhood. I see the same things over and over, with barely a soul around, save for the constant mill of nannies and maintenance workers, tending to the properties of the rich while they go for a run or shuffle through their remaining retirement years. I see the same things over and over, so I notice the passing of time more acutely, when banal scenes suddenly … Continue reading “Imprints of Instants” →

by jad

It Was Only Day One

This morning, I informed yet another set of community members of my father’s passing, and we exchanged pleasantries over bacon and eggs, which was nice, but generally within standard procedure. But one elderly gentleman surprised me with a question: “were you close or estranged?” I answered with something about that liminal space in between, sharing a little about the tensions of being back home over Christmas knowing that it would be the last, trying to deepen the connection but failing. He offered a coffee date to talk about it 1-1 some more, if I wanted, and shared a little about … Continue reading “It Was Only Day One” →

by jad

So Much Love in Me

I heard a live recording of Depeche Mode’s So Much Love for the first time today that amplifies the level of menace to the lyrics that’s in the original version, though much less viscerally and in your face: I can’t runI have triedThere’s a thornIn my sideThere is somethingI can’t hide There is so much love in me. Dave’s voice sounds angry against the mechanical rum-pum-pum beat that’s a lot more spartan and martial than the original mix, giving the whole a charged air of protest. There is something so resonant in this for me. I have said this a … Continue reading “So Much Love in Me” →

by jad

Picking Pumpkins

We went pumpkin picking today. I mean, there were pumpkins strewn around, and we picked the ones we wanted. I guess that counts as pumpkin picking. Either way, it was a first for me. I wish the weather hadn’t turned sweltering for my normcore goth get-up today, because I would have spent more time here. It was very picturesque. There was a major incident on I-90 that closed all lanes for a couple of hours, but we managed to peel off the last exit towards Bellevue at the last minute. The drive back was an hour and a half longer … Continue reading “Picking Pumpkins” →

by jad

10/10: World Mental Health Day

Today is 10/10, which is World Mental Health Day, a good time as any to check in with ourselves at least once every 12 months. This post is about that, in a way. In it, you’ll find outtakes from my trip to Lebanon over Christmas. There’s a word I’m searching for to describe the kind of emptiness one feels after sharing something vulnerable with people with little capacity to help. In my case, the imperative to share has been relentlessly vampiric; one is asked how one is doing almost as a chore, and one’s answer is sucked out so painfully, … Continue reading “10/10: World Mental Health Day” →

by jad

Let’s Begin Again

Almost exactly 8 years ago, on November 10, 2016, I wrote the following while observing this country spin out in disarray from halfway across the globe: “The number of contemplative postmortems I’m seeing from left-of-center Americans stunned by a Trump win because they’d been so sure that Clinton’s was inevitable that they were already preparing to spend the next four years criticizing her is a double-indictment of liberalism: first, for totally ignoring clear and present danger in the name of feel-good, third-party self-congratulation, and second, for being so out of touch with the very real, very visible forces of anger … Continue reading “Let’s Begin Again” →

by jad

The Horse is Dead

Whatever was on the lake,Will wash up on the shore. Too many people will have too much to say today. I was pretty sure I’d say nothing. What more is there to say, anyway? What more can be said that hasn’t already been said? The horse is dead. The horse stinks to high heaven. No one is changing their mind today. I doubt anyone’s changing their mind again. But I had to go out for a walk to keep from doom scrolling. I brought my camera with me and took these photos. I had my headphones on too; this song … Continue reading “The Horse is Dead” →

by jad

Spooky Season

It’s Holga Week, a time to celebrate crappy optics at the very worst time of year, when days are short, and light is in short supply. Isn’t tradition fun? It’s very much an exercise in film photography, but I’ve enjoyed using my Holga Lens for digital cameras in years past as well, because why not? I wouldn’t say I’m enjoying it this year. In fact, I hate it, and that’s a good thing, because there’s a lot of hatred in my heart right now. Maybe that’s coming through. Maybe these frames are as ugly as I’m feeling. Every day I … Continue reading “Spooky Season” →

by jad

Never Again for Anyone

I took this double-exposure to see if I could make a visual point about an invisible reality in the spaces I now inhabit. I think it came through. This house is one of the many dozens in this neighborhood that used to be governed by racially restricted covenants; whole blocks were redlined here, barring blacks, “asiatics,” and sometimes even “hebrews” from moving in. Some of these covenants were in place as late as the 1960s. And that’s just the topsoil of a much deeper palimpsest of dispossession in this land. Our politics today are just the latest superimposition. I’ve been … Continue reading “Never Again for Anyone” →

by jad

One More Prayer to Keep Me Safe

I’m taking part in a weekly discussion group that touches on topics of (dis)connection and (not) belonging, among other things, and last night, the themes of “purpose” and “gift” came up in conversation. A participant at my table shared how he came to be an end-of-life caretaker, something he never “wanted” but found himself profoundly prepared and equipped to do. He talked about how his journey of finding his purpose was a process of learning to let go of what the ego thinks it wants. This was the second time in two days that the notion of “purpose” has come … Continue reading “One More Prayer to Keep Me Safe” →