Tag: family

by jad

Time is a Bastard

This is a photo that mom has framed in her living room. I didn’t ask when or where it was taken; it feels familiar. I’ve seen it many times, but now, of course, in new light. Time is a bit of a bastard. Time can be cruel at times, in fact. But there’s wisdom in time. There’s a deep knowing. I’ve had to sit face to face with time quite a bit during this trip and it wasn’t always comfortable. But it was good and necessary. We’re making peace. I don’t think we’ll ever be more than cordial, but that’s … Continue reading “Time is a Bastard” →

by jad

Lebanon: Day 1

We went up to my hometown yesterday. I wanted to visit the different spots my dad liked to visit – a pilgrimage, of sorts. He didn’t have the strength to take us around the usual places last year, but I’m glad that our last and only excursion together before he lost all capacity to move was back to the land of our fathers. A strange land with surrealist characteristics, but the only place on God’s black and red earth that will never call me a stranger and always welcome me home. I joke about how I came back to bring … Continue reading “Lebanon: Day 1” →

by jad

Don’t Be Like Me

After 6 and a half years, I finally took up my machete and hacked my way through the mind maze that is the American healthcare system. I found myself a primary care provider; today was my first appointment. I told her to feel free to talk to me like I was five, because I didn’t know a single thing, and I immediately proved myself by not knowing that insurance companies categorize different types of visits differently. Would this be my annual? I literally only get one a year. I don’t know, doc, you tell me. So, they gave me two … Continue reading “Don’t Be Like Me” →

by jad

A Very Important Man Back Home

My father entered his death throws on the same night we all realized that Trump would be the 47th president of the United States. My mother called an ambulance as per standard procedure and we braced ourselves for the end. He resisted for five more days. My mother has a photo of my dad holding the remote control in his hospital bed. He was still interested in knowing what’s going on. I wonder if he heard the news that we were all reconciling ourselves with; I didn’t ask. There was something puzzlingly calming about holding our breath while the whole … Continue reading “A Very Important Man Back Home” →

by jad

I Grieve The Son

This photo is mostly generative AI. I found a tiny thumbnail of a time before core memory, a mere 960 x 899 pixels and 336 kilobytes of perhaps the most important document in our possession, and ran it through Photoshop’s “generative extend” tool, because I barely recognized it. It was already uncanny. There’s my mother and father, but who is that child? I asked mom and she, with a slight hint of urgency, solved the mystery: “Habibiii it’s youu.” It just didn’t look real. Even the kid looks mildly suspicious. So, I ran the generative fill again and again until … Continue reading “I Grieve The Son” →

by jad

R.I.P. Dad

At last, you are together again. Rest well, dad. Your pain has ceased. “IMAGINE A POSTCARD FROM BEIRUT”a post card by @natasa_bergk,scanned on a Konica Minolta 2100. What do you imagine? I see hospital beds. I see the slow murder of hopes and dreams. Imagine a postcard from Beirut. A picture-perfect vista so chockablock with injustice that it’s a solid mass. Just a solid wall with no cartoon tunnel painted on. Just blank and impenetrable. We can’t see the vista anymore. What do you see? Tomorrow’s Veterans Day, an awkward day for an immigrant and an Arab too, ajallak. It … Continue reading “R.I.P. Dad” →

by jad

Trip Like I Do—Secret Place, Idaho

A friend mentioned this place in a quick exchange as I was being eaten by mosquitos in the one spot with wifi in the whole of Priest Lake. When the mood turned sour in our immediate surroundings, Christine and I decided to head out here to spend the day somewhere totally unplanned, to catch our breath and reset; we were not disappointed. “It’s so unexpectedly nice,” I said to my friend, after asking her to guess where we are. “Exactly,” she replied and mentioned pickles. They have really good pickles here. Then she said: “Keep it a secret place…” No worries … Continue reading “Trip Like I Do—Secret Place, Idaho” →