Author: jad

by jad

Lebanon: Day 4

I’ve been to Saida’s Old City a half-dozen times over the years, but I honestly don’t think I’ve seen the same streets twice. This is Saida’s Qala’a or Sea Castle. The Crusaders built it in 1228 on a small island connected by an 80-meter footpath. The site used to house a temple to Melqart, the Phoenician version of Heracles and what’s known as a “dying-and-rising deity.” A god of resurrection. This is Khan Sacy, a private residence being converted into a hotel with a museum underground revealing the many layers of history found during excavations. This first room is the … Continue reading “Lebanon: Day 4” →

by jad

Lebanon: Day 3

Have you heard of Daheshism? Me neither. Not until Abu Imad mentioned Dr. Dahesh (“Astounder”) in passing the other day. Apparently, a “Daheshist believes that all of creation is spread out over a multidimensional universe divided into three principal realms, each divided into 150 levels.” I don’t know about that, but it does sound a little bit like Lebanon. Layer upon layer upon layer. Destroyed and rebuilt again and again, usually worse than before. And yet it endures. Now that’s truly astounding. I’ve been binging on local news in this week of speedy developments; first, a new president, now a … Continue reading “Lebanon: Day 3” →

by jad

Lebanon: Day 2

Weaving through the “Sunday Souk” (also open on Saturdays) isn’t exactly a “shock” to the senses (I’m not an orientalist writing paeans to the grand bazaar), but it certainly is a vibe. There’s one surreal sensory dimension to this Souk that I could never handle for more than a couple of minutes: multiple pre-recorded messages on tiny squawk-boxes and megaphones repeating the latest deals over and over and over and over in the same deadpan monotone. They made me laugh but I could easily see my sanity slip away if I had to endure that for a whole day. I … Continue reading “Lebanon: Day 2” →

by jad

Lebanon: Day 1

We went up to my hometown yesterday. I wanted to visit the different spots my dad liked to visit – a pilgrimage, of sorts. He didn’t have the strength to take us around the usual places last year, but I’m glad that our last and only excursion together before he lost all capacity to move was back to the land of our fathers. A strange land with surrealist characteristics, but the only place on God’s black and red earth that will never call me a stranger and always welcome me home. I joke about how I came back to bring … Continue reading “Lebanon: Day 1” →

by jad

My Brain’s War Correspondent

People’s reactions to my trip to Lebanon have been thematically consistent. Most tell me that they’re thinking of me and praying for me; some say that they’ll miss me; even those who don’t know my reasons for travel have responded with a mix of investment and alarm. That’s a product of Lebanon’s place in the headlines since my last trip, I suppose. It’s been sweet to receive these sentiments, but the cumulative effect of it all is a mild sense of foreboding. Do people know something I don’t? Will I not make it back? What’s going on? That sense is … Continue reading “My Brain’s War Correspondent” →

by jad

New Year Feelings

I don’t have big feelings coming into this new year; there’s mild trepidation about all that’s brewing over the horizon and slight excitement about that as well. Hope mixed with anxiety, worry mixed with determination, all swirling slowly like leaves at the bottom of a teacup. I’m still taking small sips. This time next week, I’ll be having coffee in Beirut. The same low-frequency sensations are pulsing through my body as I think about that. It won’t be a vacation; I literally have no plans. Just a big question mark; just to be present. I’m trying to settle in that … Continue reading “New Year Feelings” →

by jad

They Say Your Name is Amelia

The woman murdered by immolation in the New York subway was already sentenced to death by a society built on the ever-present threat of immiseration. The flames were stoked by a policing regime that serves and protects only property—it cannot see those without. And the fire roared and rose on the fuel of a spectacle we’ve been trained on for over a year—we no longer watch bodies burn with alarm. This is the new normal. Aaron told us so. And now she is ash that is still smoldering on the coals of reaction. Sister, they say your name is Amelia.You … Continue reading “They Say Your Name is Amelia” →

by jad

Revolutionary Re-Enchantment

I’m fascinated by what draws people to occupy particular positions. In two very different organizations, I’ve heard bristling against the bogey of “identity politics,” which seems to act as shorthand for everything from managerialist “DEI” box-ticking tactics and the whole of Kamala’s campaign to the very erasure of class. It also borders on being a thought-terminating cliché. More interestingly, though, is when it seems to name a kind of permission for some to “speak again,” with all the problematics that come with that. It’s not just a racist dog-whistle; it’s a grasping at words in between stutters and hesitations. I’ve … Continue reading “Revolutionary Re-Enchantment” →

by jad

There is No Lifeguard on Duty

“The unconscious comes before the conscious. The logic of the historic process comes before the subjective logic of the human beings who participate in the historic process.” (Rosa Luxemburg) The small sign nestled in the “FREE PALESTINE” graffiti says “no lifeguard on duty,” which, I think, is evocative of an amorphous mood many of us are feeling today; the world is spinning off its axis with decades compressed into mere weeks in true ‘Lenin Lives!’ form (these being the final days of V.I.’s centennial), and a lot of us are feeling seasick. What are we to make of it all? … Continue reading “There is No Lifeguard on Duty” →

by jad

This Advent

Christmas is next week and soon it will be Epiphany, and then I’ll be boarding a flight I’ve been anticipating for a long time. I can’t believe it’s almost here. A few days after the news first broke, a coworker who’d experienced similar heartbreak and had been there for me in the long, liminal months of waiting, walked into my office with a silent, sad smile on her face; I smiled back and said: “The hour has finally come, huh?” She said: “Yeah…” Well, the hour has been striking ever since, and I’m still here in this liminal time — … Continue reading “This Advent” →