Author: jad

by jad

Existential Jet Lag

I was checking my calendar to see if it was time to poke the photo lab about my Lebanon rolls when it occurred to me that I hadn’t even been back two weeks yet; why does it feel longer? Why does so much feel like existential jet lag right now? Twice in the last week, I’ve weirded myself out with my emotional responses or non-responses to things that came up. Shying away from conflict when I don’t normally; having a meltdown in a way I don’t recognize as myself; both ends of the spectrum, but both feeling foreign. There’s something … Continue reading “Existential Jet Lag” →

by jad

Between Hammer & Sickle

“The Paris Commune failed, Russia was isolated and collapsed in the end under its own contradictions and many more examples in between. Does this mean hope is lost? No, however, Marx in Brumaire, talks about revolutions which ‘constantly interrupt themselves in their own course, return to the apparently accomplished, in order to begin anew’. He recognised that revolutions ‘deride with cruel thoroughness the half-measures, weaknesses, and paltriness of their first attempts.’ We should take quite seriously that we are in the midst of many first attempts, and believe we can learn and build on them – that is what it … Continue reading “Between Hammer & Sickle” →

by jad

Back in Seattle

What’s that line making the rounds lately? Photography is just time and light? Lebanon is generous with at least one of those. And now I’m back in Seattle where light is less abundant, but I have more time to think. Home is where you’re welcomed back. That’s the thought that’s occurred to me since returning. No need to complicate things more than that. Simply noticing the “welcome home” to “welcome back” ratio (something like 4:1) and appreciating the flux. I’m home when I’m welcomed back to Lebanon. I’m home when I’m welcomed back to Seattle. I say this in a … Continue reading “Back in Seattle” →

by jad

Beirut/Bellingham/Borderlands

I’m on the Beirut Airport wi-fi waiting for my flight to Istanbul on my way back to Seattle, seeing if I can post these double-exposures I made with @christine.bingham.art and @night_bydesign. Christine and I took the first exposure in Bellingham, which is the same city I took a first exposure the last time I did a film swap like this. It was around Thanksgiving, so we were still reeling from U.S. politics, which probably informed our vague concept. A lone soldier, a ghostly presence; and with Audrey’s lush exposures in Volunteer Park, an added layer of camouflage and obfuscation, perhaps. … Continue reading “Beirut/Bellingham/Borderlands” →

by jad

Time is a Bastard

This is a photo that mom has framed in her living room. I didn’t ask when or where it was taken; it feels familiar. I’ve seen it many times, but now, of course, in new light. Time is a bit of a bastard. Time can be cruel at times, in fact. But there’s wisdom in time. There’s a deep knowing. I’ve had to sit face to face with time quite a bit during this trip and it wasn’t always comfortable. But it was good and necessary. We’re making peace. I don’t think we’ll ever be more than cordial, but that’s … Continue reading “Time is a Bastard” →

by jad

Lebanon: Day 9

I was charmed by this whole area. Google Maps insisted on sending us in random directions, but the locals kept us on the right path, joking with us about the almost-nonexistent signage pointing the way. At one point, Google sent us down a road that turned out to be blocked; “maqtou3a, maqtou3a,” a guy on his scooter told us. Before we knew it, another guy in a pickup truck opened up the gate to his farm and told us to drive through his land to get back down to the main road. All in the typical Druze accent and matter-of-fact … Continue reading “Lebanon: Day 9” →

by jad

Lebanon: Day 8

Today’s my last day here. Yesterday, Christine picked up on an “extra sweetness” in my messages, asking me if feeling nostalgic now that my time in Lebanon is coming to an end. I replied: “I’m being sappy I guess.” She put her finger on the pulse: “It’s more than sappy, I think. I can’t imagine having your heart split in two places. And I think that’s what you’re feeling right now. The beautiful agony of knowing you cannot be in two places at once.” I cried. Today is a day to remember. Thousands of families have forced a new status … Continue reading “Lebanon: Day 8” →

by jad

Lebanon: Day 7

I’m nearing the end of my time here in Lebanon. Pages are turning, chapters are closing, narratives are being bookended, and parentheticals are emerging like ducks in a row. It’s gratifying, for example, to see how far @ridersrightslb, the afterlife of the @busmapproject I started working on 10 years ago, has come. I might say more about that at some point. It’s good to put faces to internet names and make new friends. It’s also nice to go with the flow more often. This country isn’t kind to sticks in the mud. There have been days when I’ve slowed down … Continue reading “Lebanon: Day 7” →

by jad

Lebanon: Day 6

“If the palimpsest enables hidden traumas or hauntings to be evoked, then brecciation may reveal other forms of accommodation and seduction present at a site. Indeed, brecciation has the potential to capture another means to be critical of the productions of space and time, and therefore, the practices of heritage.” (Nadia Bartolini) While we were walking here, I overheard a woman berating a guy I’m assuming was her significant other very loudly, basically wiping the floor with him as they brisk walked around me. Her tone raised my eyebrows and when I looked away from my LCD screen, I locked … Continue reading “Lebanon: Day 6” →

by jad

Lebanon: Day 5

“Heritage is never rediscovered; it is only the objects/monuments or the material remains of past socio-cultural dynamics that are rediscovered. The interpretation of these objects creates what is commonly known as Heritage. This creation is carried out through a story-making/storytelling process in which all these ingredients are meticulously positioned according to their differential value and related significance, as Heritage is no more than a value-based construct.” (Assaad Seif, ‘Beirut as a Palimpsest’) I’m reaching the point of the visit when more of the things that make Lebanon “Lebanon” are beginning to grate on my nerves. This was bound to happen; … Continue reading “Lebanon: Day 5” →