Category: Poiesis

by jad

10/10: World Mental Health Day

Today is 10/10, which is World Mental Health Day, a good time as any to check in with ourselves at least once every 12 months. This post is about that, in a way. In it, you’ll find outtakes from my trip to Lebanon over Christmas. There’s a word I’m searching for to describe the kind of emptiness one feels after sharing something vulnerable with people with little capacity to help. In my case, the imperative to share has been relentlessly vampiric; one is asked how one is doing almost as a chore, and one’s answer is sucked out so painfully, … Continue reading “10/10: World Mental Health Day” →

by jad

Let’s Begin Again

Almost exactly 8 years ago, on November 10, 2016, I wrote the following while observing this country spin out in disarray from halfway across the globe: “The number of contemplative postmortems I’m seeing from left-of-center Americans stunned by a Trump win because they’d been so sure that Clinton’s was inevitable that they were already preparing to spend the next four years criticizing her is a double-indictment of liberalism: first, for totally ignoring clear and present danger in the name of feel-good, third-party self-congratulation, and second, for being so out of touch with the very real, very visible forces of anger … Continue reading “Let’s Begin Again” →

by jad

The Horse is Dead

Whatever was on the lake,Will wash up on the shore. Too many people will have too much to say today. I was pretty sure I’d say nothing. What more is there to say, anyway? What more can be said that hasn’t already been said? The horse is dead. The horse stinks to high heaven. No one is changing their mind today. I doubt anyone’s changing their mind again. But I had to go out for a walk to keep from doom scrolling. I brought my camera with me and took these photos. I had my headphones on too; this song … Continue reading “The Horse is Dead” →

by jad

Spooky Season

It’s Holga Week, a time to celebrate crappy optics at the very worst time of year, when days are short, and light is in short supply. Isn’t tradition fun? It’s very much an exercise in film photography, but I’ve enjoyed using my Holga Lens for digital cameras in years past as well, because why not? I wouldn’t say I’m enjoying it this year. In fact, I hate it, and that’s a good thing, because there’s a lot of hatred in my heart right now. Maybe that’s coming through. Maybe these frames are as ugly as I’m feeling. Every day I … Continue reading “Spooky Season” →

by jad

Never Again for Anyone

I took this double-exposure to see if I could make a visual point about an invisible reality in the spaces I now inhabit. I think it came through. This house is one of the many dozens in this neighborhood that used to be governed by racially restricted covenants; whole blocks were redlined here, barring blacks, “asiatics,” and sometimes even “hebrews” from moving in. Some of these covenants were in place as late as the 1960s. And that’s just the topsoil of a much deeper palimpsest of dispossession in this land. Our politics today are just the latest superimposition. I’ve been … Continue reading “Never Again for Anyone” →

by jad

One More Prayer to Keep Me Safe

I’m taking part in a weekly discussion group that touches on topics of (dis)connection and (not) belonging, among other things, and last night, the themes of “purpose” and “gift” came up in conversation. A participant at my table shared how he came to be an end-of-life caretaker, something he never “wanted” but found himself profoundly prepared and equipped to do. He talked about how his journey of finding his purpose was a process of learning to let go of what the ego thinks it wants. This was the second time in two days that the notion of “purpose” has come … Continue reading “One More Prayer to Keep Me Safe” →

by jad

We Are Nonlinear

I woke up today to some messages from a friend in Syria who’d read the Imam’s thoughts on our habitual selves that I’d shared, lamenting the things one does habitually that one just hates; things like checking one’s phone as soon as one wakes, which made me smile, because that’s exactly what I was doing. The thing is: there’s a reason why we need imams and priests and gym instructors — the people who habitually preach to us about habits — to remind us again and again about the things we do over and over, and that reason is that … Continue reading “We Are Nonlinear” →

by jad

I Confess that Nothing was Planned

I wrote something before I went to the rally for Lebanon on Broadway. I described how a lot of people were asking me variations of a question: how are you? And when I showed up, I was still in that headspace. The one where I’d replied in the best way I could. Honestly, concisely, with equal-parts appreciation and reserve. I went to the protest out of a sense of duty, but I was feeling burnt out, and it was probably showing in my photography. I’d admitted that I’d been copy-pasting a few replies. I tried to be genuine without over-performing … Continue reading “I Confess that Nothing was Planned” →

by jad

I Am Grief

These double-exposures came about by reloading the roll that got stuck when my Ricoh point and shoot stopped working into a Nikon SLR; the frames clearly didn’t align properly, and the original frames were somehow flipped. No matter. These work well in visualizing my deep dislocation being here while Lebanon’s under attack. It’s a heavy, jumbled up feeling, but — irony of ironies — it’s far from unfamiliar. This slow, rolling rumble of indignation; I’ve felt it before. This gnaw of fear; I’m used to the feeling. These pangs of guilt; they’re always there. It’s all second nature, at this … Continue reading “I Am Grief” →