Tag: looking back

by jad

Sleepless in Beirut

Google had been bugging me about my cloud storage for a while before I finally clicked the link the other day to hopefully free up some space; a couple of scrolls later, I was punched in the gut with attachments in emails I’d long forgotten about, with files and photos I thought I’d lost forever, including these from a project I worked on with a then-anonymous blogger in 2011. You read that right – an anonymous blogger; this was 2011, after all. More on that later. Thank God for metadata because I simply have no recollection of ever using a … Continue reading “Sleepless in Beirut” →

by jad

Photo Fest 2023

I’ve always found lighting intimidating, so I’m glad that both instructors at today’s sessions intimated that they’d felt the same way at the beginning too. Back in film school, talk of white balance and light metering would make my eyes roll right back into my skull while my heart did jumping jacks, but there would always be someone “more technical” on the crew that I could rely on to get a project done; just leave the writerly stuff to me. I think part of the angst for me has always been the fear of just not getting it? Like, just … Continue reading “Photo Fest 2023” →

by jad

Hope is a Funny Thing

This is my fourth time here. I didn’t expect this place to hold much meaning when I first visited, but that’s what happens with punctuation: a beat forms and meaningful things get shuffled into a song of sorts. The last time I was here, I had just been ordained into the order of American, and twice before then, I felt the looming reality of belonging press upon me like the pages of a dogeared book cracked straight down the spine. I’d been laid flat on the table. And now? I guess I’m in the juicy bits of whatever’s within these … Continue reading “Hope is a Funny Thing” →

by jad

Seattle: “It’s a City”

The other day was the second time in a row that I’ve heard a dig made at Seattle by a band on tour, and the first time was pretty direct: “if you’re born and raised in Seattle, that sucks for you.” That time, I laughed and waved my middle fingers in the air as the crowd cheered. This second time, the frontwoman was actually starting to say something nice, recalling how they’d recorded two albums and lived here for a month each time: “Seattle’s nice,” she offered, but voices in the back started to jeer and say “it’s alright…” Everyone … Continue reading “Seattle: “It’s a City”” →

by jad

Art Thoughts

Being around artists and in artmaking spaces makes me think about the impulses behind my desires to make, do, and express things in general. I have language to explain it and different vocabularies to define it with, like the stars and their imprint on the soul, or God, the Creator of co-creatives, or class distinction and its many corollary affordances. But all these are just words to make sense (♒︎) of a nagging feeling I don’t actually understand (♋︎). It’s the gnawing dissatisfaction I felt while flipping through craft books as a kid, desiring to make things without knowing why; … Continue reading “Art Thoughts” →

by jad

Cornish BFA 2023

I haven’t been to a Cornish BFA exhibit since “Expo 2019,” which wasn’t long after I first moved to Seattle. Back then, I took any opportunity to push myself to write, so I wrote about what I found there, and I still follow the artists whose art I wrote about. Now I write all the time, but I’m still here sharing what I’ve seen; except now I’m pushing myself to take photos any chance I get instead. x x x x

by jad

What is Artifice?

I’ve been thinking about “AI” and “art” and “photography” and the slippages people makes when discussing where these concepts coincide and where they do not. It frustrates me to see the conversation around the place of technology in art-making being swept up in outmoded generalizations around what “is” or “isn’t” art when the ethical anxieties that AI brings up are better addressed at a more granular level: what is or isn’t an artifice? At what point does the maker end and the mechanism begin? I took these photos in 2008 on what we’re now calling a “digicam” of some kind. … Continue reading “What is Artifice?” →

by jad

Mother’s Day

“Je ne te quitte pasJe ne reviendrai jamaisJe ne te quitte pasJe ne reviendrai jamaisJe ne te quitte pasJe ne reviendrai jamaisJe ne te quitte pas.” We’ve all seen the posts about words that can’t be translated into English that inevitably include “saudade” in the list – saudade, that Portuguese feeling of “profound nostalgic longing for a beloved yet absent something or someone.” This longing is “often associated with a repressed understanding that one might never encounter the recipient of longing ever again.” But what’s a word for the melancholy that comes with irrepressible presence? Does anyone else ever feel … Continue reading “Mother’s Day” →

by jad

Green Lent, Red Pisces

It’s funny “haha” and funny “hmm” to me how often I’ve swung between dogged determination and complete surrender. I am the original member of @baumwerkj’s Order of the Dung Beetle before it had a name, back when @heure_bleue__ initiated me as such. I am also constantly broken open and made a vessel of things I did not choose but became available for. Pisces season seems to come around every year to mark some new striving after a vision; sometimes it turns out to be a mirage, other times it is transfigured into a brighter image of the truth. I used to be embarrassed … Continue reading “Green Lent, Red Pisces” →

by jad

Digital Artifacts

Speaking of Microsoft (see also: x x x), I’m sure there’s a term for this kind of JPEG glitching, if I cared to look it up – maybe one of you nerds will let me know in the comments. It appears that the memory stick I brought back with me from Lebanon contains quite a decent percentage of corrupt files like these photos I took with my old iPhone 4s in 2012. Part of me feels like I should be sad? But the majority vote in my parliament of affects seems to be swinging in favor of finding this kinda … Continue reading “Digital Artifacts” →