Tag: looking back

by jad

New Year’s Eve, 2019

You’re probably sick of my rituals by now, but decades don’t come by every day, and there’s something satisfying about symmetry—it’s almost 2020, and just like in 2010, I’m standing at the threshold of something that feels new and energizing. I’m excited to step into this confluence, but I want to do so with a lot more intention & mindfulness than I ever have before. I’m not usually one for New Year’s Resolutions, but I have some in mind this year. I have goals, but more importantly, I seek an orientation. I want to “face up” to this future; à … Continue reading “New Year’s Eve, 2019” →

by jad

Pantograph

“Third proposal.” By number two, I suppress a groan, my muscles aching from the unforgiving pew and long hours.  “Third proposal: Welcome our gifts and our limitations too.” There’d been a death in our building. Across the hall, a neglected toothache took a troubled life away. No judgement. “God welcomes everything in us; in our turn, we can accept ourselves just as we are. That is the beginning of a healing that is so necessary for us all.” That morning, the bus was crawling up Pill Hill, like it did every morning. There was a stop for the Good Vibes hat, … Continue reading “Pantograph” →

by jad

20+C+M+B+19

This may not be the strangest thing to happen in our building’s very long history in this part of town, but I dare say that it probably stands out. Tonight, our parish priest blessed every room of our tiny apartment with a special prayer based on the function and meaning of that space—yes, including the bathroom. We started by chalking the door: 20 † C † M † B † 19, the year and the letters of “christus mansionem benedicat,” or “may Christ bless this house.” Our home was then sprinkled with holy water from an aspergillum of rosemary. Something … Continue reading “20+C+M+B+19” →

by jad

The Last Mile

It has happened, and my head is still spinning. My last weeks in Beirut, a proverbial blur, left no room to think or plan or feel — senses heightened, yes, but nothing sinking in; a cartoon dog of emotions–“no take, only throw”–onwards, forwards, one thing to the next, and here we are now entertain us. You don’t put off the get-togethers when you’re about to leave, so you find yourself more energetic and affirmative than ever before. “Yes,” I will go to your BBQ. “Yes,” I will join you for drinks afterwards. “Yes,” I’ll have another beer. I wrote those … Continue reading “The Last Mile” →

by jad

New Year’s Morning, 2019

“Vibratory atmospheric atoms of the life-principle…Look at the silly men…Where go? What for?—sleep. But this foolish gang was bending on-ward…The rhythm and the IT of our final excited joy in talking and living to the blank tranced end of all innumerable riotous angelic particulars that had been lurking in our souls all our lives…What’s your road, man?” Jack Kerouac, On The Road I start this New Year with lines taken out of pages 152 through 251 of Jack Kerouac’s ‘On The Road.’ I’d scribbled these into the upper-right corner of a page that was otherwise taken up by an anarchist … Continue reading “New Year’s Morning, 2019” →

by jad

Under the Hood

One of the more delightful aspects of setting up this blog has been forcing myself to tinker with HTML like I used to as a child of the early web. This was before the internet became much too complicated and way too simple all at once; when there was just enough innovation for my “computer user” magazines to keep me interested, but not too many over-friendly widgets and doodads that blackbox’d all hope for caring about the inner workings of things. This world would rapidly disappear (for me) with the advent of Blogger, Tumblr and eventually, Facebook, when it became … Continue reading “Under the Hood” →

by jad

Preparing for Takeoff

There’s something that happens just before a dream becomes a plan, or maybe a little bit after that, when a plan is just about to gel into reality but isn’t quite there yet, at that liminal point between the lines of a preflight checklist; something happens akin to stage fright. This is the “dizziness of freedom,” the truly unpleasant kind that reminds one that, just as much as one is free to dream up and shape the arc of their future, one is also very much free to fall short. Waiting around in the liminal place makes everything feel heightened, … Continue reading “Preparing for Takeoff” →